I ran two whole miles yesterday. That doesn’t sound like a lot, so let’s call it 10,560 feet; and I ran them all without stopping.

This is huge for me, not because I’ve never been the athletic type, but because, by God’s grace, I’m recognizing more frequently my fear of pain and discomfort, or maybe just inconvenience in general. I hesitate at unknowns. I avoid confrontation and instead bottle up my emotions. I like to have control over situations before entering; which doesn’t happen often, so I find myself saying “No” quite a bit.

“No, I can’t run that far. I don’t have the endurance.” “No, I can’t take the kids to Mass on my own — what if they go crazy on me?” “No, I can’t surrender my pain and doubts to Jesus. He’ll ask too much from me.” No, thank you, I’m not comfortable with that. On my run, I kept absolving myself from pushing my limit, thinking, It’s okay if I stop to walk because I don’t want to overdo it; but I knew I was perfectly fine, so I kept the pace.

It didn’t take much introspection to see that the reason I fear uncomfortable, unpredictable or inconvenient circumstances is because I think I have to manage all things 100% on my own. I don’t even consider God as a present factor, much less the Author of my every effort toward goodness. Isn’t that crazy?! Here I sit, entirely reliant on God for every single breath, yet I’ve deluded myself into thinking that everything I do, I do on my own. I don’t depend on God. Impossible. Untrue.

I am the vine, you are the branches. He who abides in me, and I in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing (Jn. 15:5).

It seems that the antidote to the illusion of self-reliance is humility and radical trust. The reality is that I need God and that I’ve always needed God, even in times when I forgot about Him or neglected to call on His mercy. My dependence on Him is non-negotiable. Jesus didn’t say “Apart from Me, it will be a struggle.” Apart from the Lord, nothing is possible.

The reality is that I need to trust in His will. God wills only goodness for my soul, so to put trust in my (weak, apparently fearful) self over (omnipotent, omniscient, omni-everything- good-and-holy) God is a farce.

It’s not enough to know I need God, however; I have to act on it, to truly surrender: prayer, sacrifice, penance and most importantly frequent Communion. The mark of any belief is corresponding action, and God will work through my steady, yet weak obedience to carry me through unknowns. To Him, they are not unknown at all.

What is it that gives you pause in your faith? What is it that you’re too afraid to seek the wisdom of the Church about; or even just speak aloud in prayer? If like me, your trust and hope are feeble, then praise God for the weakness that gives way for His strength. Life can’t be lived if we simply remain. A life spent in hesitation or fear is hardly a life at all. So, here I am with renewed understanding: it was never my task to fix my own weakness or answer my own doubts. All any of us need to do is surrender it to God and, oh, what a happier, more peaceful life I will live with many more miles under my feet.

That You are continually holding me, sustaining me, loving me, Jesus, I trust in You. That Your love goes deeper than my sins and failings and transforms me, Jesus, I trust in You. That not knowing what tomorrow brings is an invitation to lean on You, Jesus, I trust in You. That You are with me in my suffering, Jesus, I trust in You. (The Litany of Trust by the Sisters of Life)

Katie Sciba is a national speaker and Catholic Press Award-winning columnist. Katie has been married for 15 years and is blessed with six children.

This article appeared in the December 2023 edition of The Catholic Telegraph Magazine. For your complimentary subscription, click here.