I have had to face many trials; however, my greatest suffering came from the one I brought upon myself, when I took the life of my own child.

A senior in high school with an unplanned pregnancy, I believed the lie that if I had an abortion, my parents would never know, my boyfriend would stay with me and my life would go back to normal. Scared and focused solely on making things go back to “normal,” I took the chemical abortion pills and ended the life of my seven-week-old baby. Those deadly pills starved my baby and then stopped his or her beating heart.

Weeks later, I began to hemorrhage severely while in class. Only then did I realize the pills had not fully done what they were supposed to do, and I had to watch in horror for hours as my body went through the graphic extrication of that pregnancy.

Afterward, I did what most do with their sin: I hid it. I tucked it away as far down as I could, vowing to take that abortion with me to the grave. But when a sinful human embraces the gift of salvation that can only come from the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ, it changes your entire world.

God designed the female body to create, protect and give life. At the time, I did not understand this gift. I failed to grasp how one decision would not only affect me for the rest of my life, but also those in my future.

God, rich in mercy, had a different plan for me. Jesus rescued me from myself while I was in college—He rescued me from my sin and reconciled my heart to Him when I was 21. My entire world changed, and I began reading the Bible every day. It was a difficult, emotional time in my life, but it enabled me to blossom through the grief and pain I had to confront.

I started working for a crisis pregnancy resource center and became unapologetically pro-life. Through sharing my abortion story of regret to anyone willing to listen, I saw how God was using my sinful past to help others. I am living proof that God does not waste anything. He is a God who redeems.

Ten years later, the boyfriend I was so desperate to keep during high school, the one who was irrevocably linked to me in our awful decision to terminate my pregnancy, he returned to apologize to me. He had walked his own journey and faced God amid his own battle. Through sharing our separate journeys with each other, God brought us back together.

Eight months later, 13 years ago, I became his wife, and God granted us four beautiful children. After all this time I am still blown away by the redemptive story God gave us, even as I see and hear examples of God’s redemptive love from people I meet every day.

As Easter approaches, it is a reminder of the suffering Jesus endured to set sinners like myself free from the bondage of sin. Living a Godly life and walking every day with Jesus is not meant to be an easy road. Rather, it is meant to show us unfathomable grace and steady, endless love. It is restorative and above all, redemptive, no matter what sinful darkness we’ve walked in. An everyday walk with Jesus brings hope.

Toni McFadden is an international speaker and the author of Redeemed, My Journey after Abortion. As a counselor, she helps those considering abortion choose life and empowers healing for those who are post abortion.

This article appeared in the April 2023 edition of The Catholic Telegraph Magazine. For your complimentary subscription, click here.