Puebla, Mexico, Feb 11, 2025 / 07:00 am

Being invited to the wedding of a family member or friend is often a cause for joy, but for many Catholics, being invited to a same-sex wedding can precipitate a deep internal conflict. How can one reconcile loyalty to family or a friendship with the teachings of the Church? Is it possible to show love and respect without compromising one’s faith?

This dilemma, increasingly common in our society, puts one’s conscience to the test and raises complex questions about the practical application of Catholic doctrine in delicate personal situations.

The Catholic Church is clear on its position on marriage and homosexuality, but applying these teachings to personal situations can be challenging. On the one hand, the Church affirms that marriage is an exclusive union between one man and one woman.

On the other hand, it calls on followers of Christ to treat homosexuals with respect and compassion, raising difficult questions for those faced with the invitation to a same-sex marriage ceremony.

So, out of “charity,” can a Catholic attend a homosexual “wedding”?

For Father Hugo Valdemar, who a few years ago was a penitentiary canon — a priest with the power to absolve the most serious sins, with the exception of those reserved to the Holy See — “if one has an upright conscience, the answer is no.”

“Above blood or emotional ties is the truth, and even more so the revealed truth in which God has decreed that marriage can only take place between one man and one woman,” he explained to ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner.

Father Mario Arroyo, who holds a doctorate in philosophy from the Pontifical University of the Holy Cross and is the author of “La Iglesia y Los Homosexuales: Un Falso Conflicto” (“The Church and Homosexuals: A False Conflict”), stated that this situation “is not a dogma of faith; that is, it’s a question of prudence, of an application of a moral criterion that does not necessarily have to be followed.”

“This case, that of attending the gay wedding of a loved one, can be classified within what is known as cooperation with evil. In this case, it would be a matter of material cooperation in evil,” he explained.

“In principle, we must try to avoid cooperating with evil, because we have an obligation, conversely, to cooperate with good within society. In that context, the first attitude is one of reluctance, that is, trying to avoid participating as long as it does not cause irreparable harm to family life or friendship,” he added.

“It seems to me that the criterion that can be used in the case of same-sex weddings is analogous to that of second civil marriages or weddings that are only civil and not religious,” he said.

“If participation can be avoided, it’s better, by explaining the reasons to the people, in this case to the contracting parties, why it goes against a person’s conscience and beliefs,” he said but warned that “if that attitude is going to cause great harm, a total break, a complete breakup of family life, exceptions can be considered.”

In such a case, he said, this cooperation with evil would have to “be material, never formal. That is, never express joy or happiness at the fact that two people of the same sex get married, but simply attend a ceremony taking into account that the great harm of cutting off all communication cannot be avoided.”

“In this sense, he warned that “there are differences between attending as a simple spectator and having an active role,” so “it is preferable to avoid having an active role as godfather or as a witness.”

Valdemar is more blunt in this regard. “Neither of the two things is [something] licit, but it is even worse to participate as a witness to a pseudo marriage such as one between persons of the same sex.”

The danger of scandal

“Participation in such an act cannot be neutral,” he said. “It is a validation and justification of an act that in itself is intrinsically immoral and contrary to the law of God,” he added.

Arroyo agrees with this risk, which is why “in general terms, participation in these ceremonies should be avoided.”

“If it is impossible to do so because the rupture that would occur would be irreparable, the rupture of family communion or communion of friendship, one can participate in the ceremony, but knowing that the price is that some people may be scandalized,” he said.

In the case of choosing not to participate in the ceremony, Arroyo advised “to explain with charity to those interested and to show in some way or another a gesture of closeness with the person who is one of your relatives and who is involved in the ceremony.”

“You can give them a rosary, you can give them a Bible, you can invite them over for dinner. That is, some or another form of participation in interpersonal communion that does not include the legitimization of sexual cohabitation between two people of the same sex.”

Valdemar said he agrees with this approach: “There are many moments in daily or occasional times together to show closeness and affection. The loved one must be made to understand that even though you can’t attend an event such as a civil marriage, this does not mean that you reject the person and that he or she can count on your closeness and support.”

What to do when faced with the dilemma?

When faced with the dilemma of attending or not attending a ceremony of this type, Arroyo advises “taking the matter to prayer, to your personal prayer, to weigh things calmly, serenely, dispassionately, the pros and cons of this participation.”

“The cons are very clear: It can cause scandal and give the impression that you’re blessing or agreeing with two people of the same sex getting married,” he said.

“On the other hand, it is necessary to assess whether this break in the relationship, whether this absence at the ceremony would not be understood by those involved and would be interpreted as totally breaking off relations, which would prevent these people from coming closer to communion with God in the near future or later on,” he added.

Valdemar encouraged Catholics who find themselves in this situation not to be “led only by their feelings or by social and family pressure, [because] Christian principles are more important. In the long run, preserving these principles is what can help the most.”

This story was first published by ACI Prensa, CNA’s Spanish-language news partner. It has been translated and adapted by CNA.